12 Toes 13 Stories Pt. 07
Hildy took a long pull from her Virginia Slim. It had been a rough shift. Who was she kidding, a lot of them were rough shifts. Mothers with preterm babies, C-sections, stillborns, but the thing that had always bothered her the most was the really young mothers. There was one in tonight who was really young and she was a real peach. She had a badly dyed black mohawk, and safety pins in her ears. She looked like one of those punk rockers.
That was the thing that really bothered Hildy. She had been a nurse in Korea, blood, death, burnt flesh, and mangled bodies didn't bother her. That was the meat. The meat comes and the meat goes, but the soul last forever. Had this girl sold her soul to Satan? Was this child another Rosemary's Baby? Twelve cute little toes was certainly nothing she had seen before. She had been an obstetrics nurse for thirty years. She was used to babies being born with not enough. That thalidomide was a horror show, but too much was strange. Then again she took a peek at the mother and she was just the same, twelve toes.
Hildy sucked hard on the cigarette, the burning in her lungs and throat calming her. The girl Liz, came from a seemingly okay family. Dad worked, mom drank, but not to excess. She was an oops, born well after her siblings, that probably accounted for the wild.
Hildy stubbed out the butt of her cigarette disappointed that there weren't any other nurses around to talk to and headed back to see the girl, when she ran into a police detective. He looked like something out of a Raymond Chandler story, but Hildy could see in his eyes that it was more a front than anything.
"Rough case. Will she give him up?"
"Yeah. She just needs to cross some t and dot some i's. There is a nice couple who already plan on taking him"
"No, I mean the bastard that knocked her up."
"I doubt it. She loves or loved whoever it was "
The two of them walked into Liz's room together.
Liz sat in her hospital bed covered in sweat. Her mohawk had collapsed from the sweat of her exertion. 5 safety pins ran up the side of her left ear.
"Elizabeth, we have some questions for you." The police officer in the Columbo coat asked.
"It's Liz." She said stretching out three syllables worth of Z's. She hurt. She hurt like she had never hurt before. Every muscle in her body was achey and sore. She felt like she had been torn in half. She deeply felt that something dear to her was missing. There was one thing that she knew though. She wanted to see her son. "Where is my son, where is Sid?"
The nurse shifted nervously and looked at her. "I was under the impression that you were going to give him up for adoption."
"I am but I still want to hold him at least once. I need to hold him."
"We've found that restricting mother's access to newborns facilitates the transition." Hildy said softly.
"I don't fucking care. Bring my son to me."
The nurse left the room and the police officer continued, "You are underaged Whoever impregnated you raped you. We need his name. This isn't your fault, you're being very mature. I just want his name and I'll leave you to your son."
"I don't give a fuck what you need. I loved him. I wanted him. No matter what, I won't tell you who he is." Liz's eyes hardened towards the police officer.
The officer looked at her. "I am just trying to help you."
"You haven't been helping me though. I just want to hold my son once. I want to say goodbye to him and wish him a long happy life."
The officer shook his head and headed out of the room. Liz thought hard. She tried to focus on what she wanted in life. She knew that she wanted children. She wanted to raise her children and let them have good lives. She wanted them to grow up smart and strong, to have a better life than hers. She wanted her children to grow up rich and strong and proud.
The nurse brought in the baby and laid it in her arms. Liz took the child in her arms and kissed his forehead. She pulled down the top of her hospital gown and bared her young breast. She offered the child her nipple and he sucked greedily. She wasn't producing real milk yet but her son wanted sustenance.
She lowered the blanket and looked at his feet. He had twelve perfect little toes just like she did. She touched each one gently. He sucked the colostrum from her breast and she wrapped her arms around him. He had been dried off and cleaned up.
"I'll love you forever."
The nurse looked at her. "The adoptive parents are waiting."
"Five more minutes?"
Liz pleaded and held her son close. The nurse sighed, "Five minutes won't make it any easier for you."
"Five minutes won't make you get off shift earlier you jobsworth" Liz thought, but she only said "Please."
"I can check some other patients, 5 minutes but not a second more." Hildy said walking out.
Liz was alone in her room with her newborn. She was young and alone except for him and soon to be more alone. CPS had taken her away from her home when she showed up pregnant in junior high. They rumbled every Greek in the county when she suggested the child came from parthenogenesis. Her parents blamed her for their shitty lives and made her life shitty.
Liz took a deep breath. This was her one moment with her son and she wanted it to be joyful.
"Sid. I love you. I want you to grow up strong and smart and happy. I want the best for you, but I know I can't give that. I can't give that for myself. I can't provide food, clothing, or shelter for myself much less a newborn. I do this for your own good. They say you will have a good home. I will likely bounce from foster home to foster home for the next five years. Hopefully I'll get into college when you go to kindergarten. One way or another, I'll get a degree, I'll get a job, and I'll get money. Maybe you'll forgive me."
Liz started to cry as she held her baby in her arms. She pulled him off and studied his face. "You are such a tiny precious gift." She said with a wry smile and attached him to her other breast. She started to cry but felt relieved. This child was part of her forever.
The nurse came back as promised with the adoptive parents who thanked Liz profusely. They were examining Sid like they were checking out a new car. The mother gasped when she saw the toes.
Liz started to get angry and indignant, but Hildy shushed the parents into the hall. Hildy came back into the room holding an ashtray. She sat down on the edge of the bed, lit a cigarette and handed it to Liz. Liz took a tentative puff stacking her black lipstick on top of Hildy's red.
Liz coughed as Hildy lit one for herself.
"I was a young mom like you. Not quite as young, but still young and unmarried. We did things differently then. Mom and I went away to visit 'cousins' in 'Ohio'. We came back 6 months later and I had a baby 'Sister'"
The affected terms rang in Liz's ear. She could see the quotes around them floating in the haze of cigarette smoke.
"She found out eventually, hated everyone, especially me. Part of the reason I ran off to join the army."
"What?"
"You've seen M*A*S*H? Like that. I saw a lot of things I didn't want to see. Death. Amputations. I saw a lot of children being born. Some between Americans and Koreans. Some to girls your age."
"Did you sleep with any of the doctors?"
"Yeah and the GI's and occasionally the nurses."
"You a dyke?" Liz asked incredulously.
"No but sometimes the nights get long."
Hildy sighed. "What I wanted to express to you is that you aren't the only girl to go though this and it isn't going to end like you expect. The adoption is going to be sealed. They are likely going to change his name and quite possibly other things."
"What do you mean?"
"He's scheduled with a surgeon tomorrow. It might just be a circumcision but the O.R. is booked for an hour. They are likely going to remove the extra toes."
Liz collapsed into a pile of tears and Hildy wrapped an arm around the girl wishing she had been able to hold her daughter like that in her darkest hour. She was partially the cause of that event so her attempts to comfort made things worse with her daughter. Hildy held Liz and intentionally slowed her breathing to calm Liz.
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